Me: A Daughter; A Mother

Dear Maa,

After a long time, I could gather my courage to write to you. As I sit by the window with a pen and notepad, I could see my little grand-daughter Neera laughing and playing in the garden with Anusha.

It is amazing to see Anusha has also turned into a child with her!

It is such bliss to see our children live a happy and healthy life. When I gave birth to Anusha, I remember you telling me, “Your child will be my lifelong companion”.

You were right maa. My daughter has been a strong pillar of my life since forever.

After her father’s demise my world came crushing down. As you know, I was totally dependent on him both emotionally and financially. It shook the backbone of my life, but my daughter offered much needed shoulder to rely upon.

Sometimes, it leaves me in awe to witness Anusha growing into a woman of such strength and dignity. As if her separation with her husband was not enough, destiny brought another storm into her life in the form of cancer!

To be honest maa, it was Anusha herself who not only maintained her calm during her illness, but also encouraged me for the same. I remember you insisting to meet us – me, Anusha and Neera, but we could never fulfil your wish.

That fateful night when my daughter was fighting for her life in the operation theatre, I could never imagine in my wildest dreams that Maa Durga will take my mother’s life away. That ‘last call’ from brother asking me to come over to see you was the most difficult moment of my life.

Life has been so different since the day you left all of us for your heavenly abode. You always taught me to live, enjoy and endure all phases of life, but your absence has left a deep void in my heart. It feels as if I have lost the most comforting corner of my life. I became an orphan that night but managed to keep the mother’s presence in Neera’s life intact.

I chose the mother in me, over being your daughter. Because that was the need of the hour, is what I feel.

Today as I see their smiling faces all my wounds and pains cease to exist. Although I strongly feel your absence, somehow in my heart I am sure you are proud of me.

Wouldn’t you have done the same if you were in my place maa?

Nevertheless, I need not justify anything to you, for you understand me in and out. You always read my thoughts or sense all the insecurities that I sometimes try to hide behind my smile.

I miss the warmth of hugging you maa, that wrinkled hand caressing my hair, that gentle kiss on my forehead, and of course your pretty smile that rarely left your lips!

I will see you soon on the other side of life maa. Until then, keep on showering your blessings upon me always.

Love,

Sudha